It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
