I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
