'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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