Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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