you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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