I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
