I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
