on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I have aggressive nipples.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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