Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
