On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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