I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
