Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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