I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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