I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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