if you like me you must not know who I am
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
