Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
