Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
