The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
