Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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