Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i would punch a child for taco bell
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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