I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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