remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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