if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
