Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
