my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
