Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
