The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Let's get the cat blown out
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
