i just wanna soil my oats bro
thus making me awesome and them whores
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
