Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
