I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
