Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
