plz talk dirty to me
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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