that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
