took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
