I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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