Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I want her autograph on my taint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize