You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.