did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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