How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.