i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i am craving dick and cupcakes