this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
only you would photoshop your dick
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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