Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.

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(586): View more from Michigan

If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.

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(706): View more from Georgia

so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess

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(847): View more from Illinois

For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(757): View more from Virginia

He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.

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(810): View more from Michigan

people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.

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(443): View more from Maryland

I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..

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(616): View more from Michigan

I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.

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(850): View more from Florida

Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body

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