even my farts smell like vagina
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
