so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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