He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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