Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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