Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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