my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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