this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
