Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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