Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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