what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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