Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This house was built for laser tag.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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