I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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