I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
