clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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