so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This is my gift to your gina
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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