I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
