I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My feet surprised me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize