He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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