From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
