i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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