Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
