I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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