alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
