I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
