i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
