Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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