i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
