I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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