is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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