And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
