My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
