does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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