my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
